Gloomy French genius Victor Hugo’s grand masterpiece isn’t called Les Happychaps for a good reason.
Les Miserables (BBC1) opened with an aerial shot of the carnage after the Battle of Waterloo, as ravens pecked the flesh of corpses and the thief Thenardier (Adeel Akhtar) dodged about stealing purses and gold teeth.
Akhtar played it for laughs – and for the next hour, that blood-soaked battlefield was about as light-hearted as things got.
The Davies adaptation, stretching across six hours, has more time to let us get to know other characters from the book, such as Felix, the aristocratic playboy who seduces young Fantine and leaves her with a baby
The classic novel, set in France 200 years ago, is sprawling in scope and bleak in outlook.
The characters are beaten, flogged, crushed by rockfalls, shot, ridden with diseases, betrayed, cheated, starved, deceived, hounded, robbed and deprived of everything they love.
No spoilers, but Les Mis doesn’t have an upbeat ending.
Yet for 30 years the stage version has been a global feelgood success – one that has wonderful music and lyrical moments to make the heart soar.
Nor was it unexpected that Lily Collins played lovestruck Fantine, above, in petticoats and faded dresses, looking every inch the impoverished Parisian seamstress – except for her eyebrows, which were bushy 21st century caterpillars
The challenge for the Beeb is to give us an incentive to watch this despairing six-part non-musical version, starring Dominic West as the ex-convict Jean Valjean.
David Oyelowo plays Valjean’s nemesis, Javert, who becomes obsessed with the jailbird after seeing him drop his trousers.
There’s nothing like a homoerotic subtext for saucing up a 19th century novel – and Andrew Davies, who adapted the book for TV, has plenty of form when it comes to injecting sex into the texts.
It was Davies in 1995 who imagined Colin Firth as Mr Darcy in Pride And Prejudice, wading out of a lake in clinging wet shirt and strides, thus turning Jane Austen’s prim comedy of manners into a steamy fantasy.
And it was Davies who, 20 years later, had the caddish Dolohov ravish naughty aristocratic Helene on the dining room table in War And Peace – a scene the original author Leo Tolstoy somehow forgot to write.
So when Javert summoned Valjean into his office to watch him undress, it was hardly a surprise.
Nor was it unexpected that Lily Collins played lovestruck Fantine in petticoats and faded dresses, looking every inch the impoverished Parisian seamstress – except for her eyebrows, which were bushy 21st century caterpillars.
Les Mis is probably the best-known novel in all French literature, thanks to the epic West End musical that was turned into a Hollywood blockbuster in 2012
In a decade or so, we will be able to identify any costume drama from the twenty-teens, simply by looking at the luxuriant eyebrows.
Les Mis is probably the best-known novel in all French literature, thanks to the epic West End musical that was turned into a Hollywood blockbuster in 2012.
The stage show revolves around the stories of Valjean and Fantine, now familiar to millions – though fewer people realise that Herbert Kretzmer, who wrote the lyrics, was also the Daily Mail’s TV critic.
The Davies adaptation, stretching across six hours, has more time to let us get to know other characters from the book, such as Felix, the aristocratic playboy who seduces young Fantine and leaves her with a baby.
Johnny Flynn, who played Felix, was last seen as good old dependable Major Dobbin in Vanity Fair – to watch him casually ruin a girl seemed doubly shocking.
Kindly Bishop Myriel, who has only a few lines in the musical, was given a full run-out by Derek Jacobi.
He had time to develop the character into something more than a cardboard Christian, so that we believed in his innocent heart when he repaid Valjean for robbing him, by handing over his last two silver candlesticks as well.
The challenge for the Beeb is to give us an incentive to watch this despairing six-part non-musical version, starring Dominic West as the ex-convict Jean Valjean
But though this is a more faithful reflection of Hugo’s vast imagination (Davies has crammed in more than 100 characters), what we really want to see is Valjean, Javert and Fantine.
In the film, they were played by Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe and Anne Hathaway, which is an unbeatable trinity of star names.
The Beeb is taking a much bigger risk. West is a television A-lister, but Lily Collins is still most famous for being the daughter of Genesis singer Phil – and Oyelowo, though a respected stage actor, is little known to British audiences.
All three were ready for some melodrama, and West in particular was rolling his eyes and gnashing his teeth like a silent movie pirate.
Les Miserables (BBC1) opened with an aerial shot of the carnage after the Battle of Waterloo, as ravens pecked the flesh of corpses and the thief Thenardier (Adeel Akhtar) dodged about stealing purses and gold teeth
He was probably worried that, under an inch of make-up and a beard that had escaped from a ZZ Top video, we might not be able to see he was acting.
Without a cast of instantly recognisable faces, and with unfamiliar storylines woven around the well-worn central plot, the BBC is trusting us to put some work in.
If you flopped on to the sofa at 9pm with a bottle of beaujolais and a big grin, ready to hum along to I Dreamed A Dream, this was not the production you were expecting.
But after the saccharine excesses of the Christmas season, a bit of harsh austerity is just what we need. Think of Les Mis as an antidote to all that schmaltz, a detox for the telly muscles.
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News Pictures CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: Sad, saucy and seductive, the Beeb’s non-Musical take on Les Mis is a hit
You don’t have to pack away your bikini just because you’re the wrong side of 20. These body-beautiful stars reveal their secrets to staying in shape and prove you can smoulder in a two-piece, whatever your age. Read on and be bikini inspired!
TEENS
Hayden Panettiere
Size: 8
Age: 18
Height: 5ft 1in
Weight: 8st
To achieve her kick-ass figure, Hayden – who plays cheerleader Claire Bennet in Heroes – follows the ‘quartering’ rule. She eats only a quarter of the food on her plate, then waits 20 minutes before deciding whether she needs to eat again.
Hayden says: “I don’t have a model’s body, but I’m not one of those crazy girls who thinks that they’re fat. I’m OK with what I have.”
Nicollette says: “I don’t like diets – I see it, I eat it! I believe in eating healthily with lots of protein, vegetables and carbs to give you energy.”
kim cattrall
Size: 10-12
Age: 52
Height: 5ft 8in
Weight: 9st 4lb
SATC star Kim swears by gym sessions with Russian kettle bells (traditional cast-iron weights) and the South Beach Diet to give her the body she wants. To avoid overeating, Kim has a radical diet trick – squirting lemon juice on her leftovers – so she won’t carry on picking.
Kim says: “I am no super-thin Hollywood actress. I am built for men who like women to look like women.”
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