"Many Photos" - Expert reveals the warning signs of male mental health issues

Male mental health is once again in the news following the suicide of Love Island star Mike Thalassitis, who was just 26-years-old when he tragically took his own life last week.

But while many of us are concerned about how it might affect the men in our lives, we might not be aware of the warning signs we should be looking out for. 

Dr Mark Winwood, director of psychological services at AXA PPP healthcare, from the UK, speaks exclusively to Femail about the red flags that might give you cause for concern, and what steps you can take if you recognise any in your loved ones. 

While many of us are concerned about how mental health issues might affect the men in our lives, we might not be aware of the warning signs we should be looking out for. Stock image

The warning signs

Dr Winwood says that your boyfriend or husband could act out of character, or display a range of varying emotions: 

'It could be anger, irritability and aggressiveness, or they could struggle to show or feel positive emotions. 

'They might lose their appetite, lack energy and either struggle to sleep or sleep too much. Due partly to this, they may experience difficulty concentrating, act restless or on edge. 

'They may show deep sadness or hopelessness that hints at suicidal thoughts. They might adopt unhealthy habits, like turning to alcohol or smoking. 

'Besides emotional side-effects, mental illness can manifest physically, in the form of headaches, digestive issues and discomfort.' 

Dr Winwood says that your boyfriend or husband could act out of character, or display a range of varying emotions: 'It could be anger, irritability and aggressiveness'. Stock image

How to help

With such a sensitive subject, that most men don't want to broach, Winwood explains: 

'It's important to generate open, relaxed conversation with your partner. Follow his lead, if he's receptive and willing to speak frankly about how he's feeling, listen and reassure him that he's not alone. 

Opening up 

So, why are men less likely to open up than women? 'From a young age, boys are taught to be 'brave'. Evolutionary speaking, men were protectors, which has translated into a modern stereotype that showing emotion is a sign of weakness,' Winwood says.

 'A common phrase in today's society is 'man up' which has inherently negative connotations that being emotional makes you less of a man. Men therefore bottle up emotions which can trigger negative thought, distress and anxiety. 

'If left untreated, this can escalate into total lack of self-worth and suicidal tendency. Instead, demonstrating emotions should be seen as a sign of strength and willingness to get help for a happier future.  

'On a bad day he might act frustrated and defensive; this may be hurtful but try not to take it to heart. Don't push him, as this could spark an argument and worsen feelings on both sides. Instead, give him space and be there when he's ready.

'Being with someone experiencing mental ill health can be draining and frustrating but try not to inadvertently increase their feelings of isolation by venting your own frustrations. 

'Reminding them that you love them and that you are willing to help may give them the feeling of support they need to start taking some positive steps.'

Show them that you care 

Winwood advises that you need to understand that your partner may feel embarrassed, and therefore act defensively.  

'The 'stiff upper lip' mentality comes into play here. If you try to raise the topic with them, make it clear that you don't hold them responsible for their mood or behaviour. 

'Show your support and reassure them that their situation will improve. Many people do want a chance to talk but don't want to burden anyone around them. Just show that you care.'

Male mental health is once again in the news following the targic suicide of Love Island star Mike Thalassitis, pictured, last week

What NOT to say  

'Never tell them to "get over it". You would never say to someone with a broken leg "just walk on it". Just because we can't see poor mental health, doesn't mean they aren't suffering,' Winwood warns.

'Whilst that may seem a harsh example, sometimes our words can be misconstrued – even if we mean well. For example, 'I know exactly what you're going through'. 

Respect their privacy 

'Your partner has shown real bravery if he has confided in you about how he's feeling. He may fear that you'll think him troubled and not want the emotional baggage of someone with a mental illness,' says Winwood. 

'While you might feel uncomfortable with the information and be inclined to ask the advice of friends, it's important to respect that he trusts you with personal information that he may not wish for others to know.

'Likening what they're experiencing with a time you felt down yourself might be perceived to be trivialising their situation and could be counterproductive – especially if you've never had a mental health disorder.

'Mental illness is indiscriminate, regardless of success, so never say "I don't understand why you're upset" or "you have nothing to worry about." Whether a partner, friend or a family member who's affected, you should avoid making harsh statements and second guessing what they're thinking or feeling.

How to support yourself

They effect of their mental health problems could also upset you or strain your relationship. 

He says: 'Whether you're concerned that your boyfriend or husband may be suffering with a mental illness, or they've confided in you, supporting, caring for them and, at times, prioritising their needs over your own, can be draining and isolating. 

'Remember to take time for yourself. Lean on your own support networks outside of the relationship – family, friends and colleagues –arrange occasions to look forward to whilst your partner is at work or occupied with their own plans. 

'If you need to talk to someone neutral about how you're feeling, charities such as the Samaritans have hotlines.

Where to to find help 

•  There are numerous treatments available to help your partner if they are dealing with a mental health problem.

•  If possible, broach the possibility of visiting a GP or a mental health professional. Guiding him in the right direction could be the push that he needs to accept his feelings and seek professional help. 

• Many find a combination of different treatments works, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with a medical professional accompanied with daily practice of mindfulness techniques in the comfort of your own home. 

• It's not a one-size-fits-all fix though, so it's worth trying different solutions and encourage him not to give up if one of them isn't right for him.     

• For more information visit the Mind website 


• If you have been affected by the issues raised, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website. 

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