THIS summer, Vicky Pattison was devastated by the loss of two of her fellow Geordies – the sudden death best friend Paul Burns and suicide of Love Island star Sophie Gradon.
Here she writes in remarkably candid fashion of her heartbreak and gives her advice to anyone feeling low or worried about a loved one.
After the summer I’ve had, I need help. I cry sporadically for no reason. Getting out of bed is difficult some days.
I miss my best friend and sometimes my social anxiety is so bad I throw up before I leave the house.
I want to be happy again, to plan the wedding of my dreams to the man I love, but every time I feel a sense of joy, grief floods in and I feel guilty.
I drink sometimes to hide the emotional pain and this scares me the most. I am not who I was.
I feel a bit better saying it out loud, perhaps a little silly, but definitely lighter.
This is why I wanted to speak out for The Sun’s You’re Not Alone campaign, which is calling on readers to open up about their mental health and know where to find help for themselves or loved ones.
Putting on a brave face may be a very British thing to do but it isn’t big or clever.
Grief and anxiety are two heartbreaking and damaging components to our mental health and wellbeing.
And like me, we all need to speak out about it – to pick up the phone to a loved one or somebody we feel comfortable talking to.
Please do this before it’s too late – take it from this broken little girl who is trying to put herself back together after the tragic losses I’ve experienced this year.
‘My summer of grief’
Paul Burns was one of my oldest friends – we were pals for around 15 years.
I remember when we first met, he was working as a host in TGI Friday’s and I was drawn to him instantly.
I desperately wanted him to like me. He was warm, funny and so witty.
After speaking to me for half an hour, he said: “There are two things you need to know about me. I don’t like fake people or fake Vivienne Westwood. So those earrings are going to have to f*cking go.”
That night, I ditched my earrings, picked up a new best pal and never looked back.
I never imagined a life without Paul.
Like the Angel of the North, St James’ Park or a Greggs on every street corner, he was a Newcastle fixture.
I have been over the last night he was alive a thousand times in my head.
Paul died on 2 June 2018, he was 37. He’d been found dead at 5am on the street. His heart had just stopped beating.
We’d been out for a friend’s birthday – should I have insisted he come home with me rather than go to a club with some of his other mates?
And, in thet moment I found out what had happened, my world was ripped apart.
He left behind his beautiful mother Jackie, a gorgeous young sister Victoria, his loving brother Robert and all of his warm and wonderful family.
And it is without bias I say the whole city was affected by this loss.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost – to suicide.
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet, it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun has launched the You’re Not Alone campaign. To remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there’s nowhere left to turn, that there is hope.
Throughout the campaign, we will tell you the stories of brave survivors, relatives left behind, heroic Good Samaritans – and share tips from mental health experts.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others. You’re Not Alone.
For a list of support services available, please see the Where To Get Help box below.
‘Darkness set in – I wasn’t bouncing back this time’
Paul was the type of bloke who made everyone feel important, an unbelievable friend and a real Geordie gentleman.
When we heard the news, everyone in our friendship group piled to my house.
We were all in different stages of grief.
I’d sob uncontrollably allowing the pain to consume me, then I’d stop abruptly and laugh, thinking how pleased he’d be to know he was so missed.
Then I’d get angry. He shouldn’t have been on his own. Then my aforementioned guilt would hit, before the cycle would start again.
Gradually after about three days, people started to pack up and go. They had lives, after all.
And this was when the darkness really set in.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
‘I’ve always bounced back but this time was different – I unraveled’
My fiance, John, is an amazing man and I’m lucky to have him, but he isn’t emotional.
He was devastated that Paul had died, but he didn’t know how to comfort me. He’s strong and stoic – a real Geordie bloke.
I’m usually strong and resilient – I’ve been through a lot and always bounced back.
This time was different. He wasn’t prepared for me to unravel in this way.
I only wanted to be around people who understood, who knew Paul like I did.
His funeral provided a small comfort, a sense of closure.
After that I had to start to get back to normal life, but whatever I had planned was short lived.
Just three weeks later, our city was dealt another blow with the news of Geordie princess, Sophie Gradon, taking her own life.
‘Sophie lit up the room with her smile’
Her death was different.
Paul’s passing was tragic but a part of me has accepted I couldn’t have stopped it.
But perhaps Sophie’s life could have been saved.
… #sonar #circolocoI won’t dare disrespect Sophie, her family and friends by claiming we were close as we weren’t.
But I’d known Sophie for years from the party circuit in Newcastle – she was popular and beautiful with the ability to light up her room with her smile.
She’d sent me a lovely message when Paul had passed.
I didn’t ever think it would be the last time we’d talk.
Social media was awash with posts dedicated to Sophie when we heard the news she had died by suicide, but I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything. I couldn’t admit I’d lost someone so young again.
Sophie was struggled to come to terms with a life in the spotlight – cruel trolls, online bullying, everyone judging her.
Could we have helped? Could she still be here now?
I don’t know the answers. But I know this: I never want someone to feel the same way Sophie did again.
View this post on Instagram
Great night judging Miss @tuptuppalace stole @_lisha_pie ‘s crown & I’m off with it
#missnewcastle
‘I drank too much and lost my temper’
In my grief, I drank too much, lost my temper over nothing and my relationship with John suffered. In short, I was a mess.
We have a responsibility to the younger generation.
Social media can be an amazing place but it is all too often a platform where people can anonymously spit their bitter vitriol at people they don’t even know.
I do not want more people to be taken from us so young.
I urge everyone to think before they type, pause before they speak, look for signs in your friends they may need your help and always, always be kind.
Latest in You're Not Alone
We need to talk more to each other – let our friends know that they have a safe space to discuss anything they may be bottling up inside, and look out for signs those close to you could be suicidal.
As I write this, I know I am on a road to recovery.
It is long and no doubt they’ll be plenty more tears (I’ve gone through a whole box of Kleenex writing this alone).
But I know with the help of my friends, family and loved ones I’ll get there.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help – we all need support.
Please don’t suffer alone.
Link
https://textbacklinkexchanges.com/vicky-pattisons-summer-of-grief-some-days-my-anxietys-so-bad-i-throw-up-before-i-leave-the-house/
News Pictures Vicky Pattison’s summer of grief: ‘Some days my anxiety’s so bad I throw up before I leave the house’
You don’t have to pack away your bikini just because you’re the wrong side of 20. These body-beautiful stars reveal their secrets to staying in shape and prove you can smoulder in a two-piece, whatever your age. Read on and be bikini inspired!
TEENS
Hayden Panettiere
Size: 8
Age: 18
Height: 5ft 1in
Weight: 8st
To achieve her kick-ass figure, Hayden – who plays cheerleader Claire Bennet in Heroes – follows the ‘quartering’ rule. She eats only a quarter of the food on her plate, then waits 20 minutes before deciding whether she needs to eat again.
Hayden says: “I don’t have a model’s body, but I’m not one of those crazy girls who thinks that they’re fat. I’m OK with what I have.”
Nicollette says: “I don’t like diets – I see it, I eat it! I believe in eating healthily with lots of protein, vegetables and carbs to give you energy.”
kim cattrall
Size: 10-12
Age: 52
Height: 5ft 8in
Weight: 9st 4lb
SATC star Kim swears by gym sessions with Russian kettle bells (traditional cast-iron weights) and the South Beach Diet to give her the body she wants. To avoid overeating, Kim has a radical diet trick – squirting lemon juice on her leftovers – so she won’t carry on picking.
Kim says: “I am no super-thin Hollywood actress. I am built for men who like women to look like women.”
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