GETTING ready for a night out, Ashleigh seems like any other millennial woman in her 20s.
But there are two distinct difference that make her stand out from her peers: she swears she’ll never have sex and she wishes people didn’t have genitals.
“I would prefer instead it was just skin like a Barbie or Ken doll, that would be an ideal world for me,” the 24-year-old says.
Ashleigh has never had sex – and is one of a growing number of millennials who identify as asexual, meaning they have no sexual attraction to other people.
In May this year, a survey revealed that one in eight people are still virgins at 26 due to fears of intimacy and pressures from social media, and last week it emerged 18 per cent of people under 30 have had sex fewer than ten times in the past year.
Now, a BBC Three short documentary film I don’t Want Sex takes a closer look at the reality of being a young asexual.
Part of the Sex Map of Britain series, the programme follows four asexual people in their 20s as they navigate the murky world of dating.
‘I masturbate – but don’t want anyone else to give me orgasms’
Ashleigh, 24, admits that she is worried about having a lonely future as an asexual woman.
“It would be nice to think that I’m not going to be on my own forever, but I don’t put myself out there and try to date because I think it won’t go anywhere unless I meet anyone else who is asexual.
“Throughout high school I never really had crushes – I always thought other people were making them up when they did,” she admits.
Although Ashleigh admits to her friend Charlotte that she does masturbate, usually as a ‘boredom thing’ – and has made herself orgasm – it doesn’t make her feel like she wants to have sex.
“I’ve never made that link of wanting somebody else to do this [to me],” she says.
Like many sexualities, asexuality sits on a spectrum.
Some asexuals are completely sex-averse, while others would potentially have sex eventually if it was with the right person.
“I’m not completely sex-repulsed,” says Ashleigh. “I don’t have an aversion to thinking about it or hearing about it.”
Ashleigh also says she likes cuddling and has kissed people in the past, but has trouble approaching men.
“I haven’t had much confidence anyway – I’m scared of talking to boys,” she admits.
Although Charlotte tries to encourage her to chat to blokes in the pub, they end their night out without speaking to anybody.
‘I’m 27-years-old and have never had sex’
Adam, who is 27, admits that his friends find it weird that he’s still a virgin, despite the fact that he previously had a long-term relationship.
In the show, his best pal Kelsie decides she wants to understand his asexuality better.
She takes him to a sex shop where Adam seems stressed out at the raunchy displays of scantily-clad women.
“That doesn’t do anything for me,” he admits. “I’m not really interested in the body – I’d rather see a girl in a nice comfy jumper.”
He confesses that he’s tried masturbation in the past, but it’s “not my cup of tea”.
“I don’t get any enjoyment from sex. It just doesn’t do anything for my brain,” he says.
Heading to a nearby cafe, Adam tells Kelsie he’s been meeting up with an asexual woman he likes, but finds it hard to know where he stands.
“I just don’t know if she’s interested in me or not,” he says.
‘A lot of men think they can fix you by getting handsy’
With only an estimated one per cent of the population being asexual, it can be extremely hard for them to find romance with somebody who understands.
This is something Lucy, 29, who lives with her dog, is all too familiar with.
“I’m scared of being totally alone in 20 years’ time,” admits Lucy. “It can feel pointless trying to find somebody, but I would rather be alone than have sex.”
Lucy is a keen gamer, who admits she finds the virtual world a lot easier than real life.
She says she’s been on a lot of first dates but no second dates.
“When I tell people I’m asexual, they walk away. They take a step back from me, like I’m contagious,” she says.
“I’m told very inelegant things, like I’ve never found the right person or that I haven’t been ‘done’ right. A lot of men think they can fix you by getting handsy, which is not on.”
Stood up due to being asexual
Online dating is difficult enough as it for many people without the added pressures that come with being uninterested in sex.
In the show, we see Lucy plucking up the courage to meet a man she has been speaking to on a dating app.
He approached her first, and she now makes it clear from the get-go that she’s asexual.
On a previous date, she felt pressurised into giving a man a hand job, so she is now upfront about her sexuality.
“It’s best to tell people very early, otherwise they’ll feel they’ve been led on or cheated,” she says.
Viewers see Lucy get dressed up and drive to a local restaurant to meet her online date, who she hopes will be a ‘friend’ even if there’s no spark.
Sadly, it isn’t to be. After half an hour of waiting outside the restaurant, she messages the bloke only to see that he’s disabled his account.
This leaves her devastated and feeling humiliated – and fears it’s due to her sexuality.
“It’s not through prudishness or insecurity,” explains Lucy. “It’s some serious trigger in my mind that says no to sex.”
‘I’d be happy for them to have sex with another person’
Matt, 24, has an added difficulty in terms of dating – he’s looking for a same-sex asexual relationship.
“Through my youth I was confused – I was attracted to men, but not sexually so I wondered if I was actually attracted to them,” he says.
He also had a relationship with a woman that broke down, and now understands it’s because he wasn’t sexually-attracted to them.
Matt says he’s attracted to men for “non-physical sexual intimacy”, but admits there may need to be some form of negotiation in place if he enters a long-term relationship.
“If I met somebody who wanted to have sex and I wasn’t up for it, I wouldn’t have a problem with them having sex with somebody else.
“If they still value me in other ways, that’s probably OK for me.”
Most read in Fabulous
While Lucy hasn’t been on a date since she was stood up, it’s not all bad news for the other three.
Ashleigh has started tentatively seeing somebody she meets at an asexuality conference, Adam has started online dating after his relationship with the asexual woman fell through, and Matt is now dating an asexual man.
Sex Map of Britain: I don’t Want Sex is on BBC iPlayer now
Linkhttps://textbacklinkexchanges.com/meet-the-young-people-who-still-masturbate-but-will-never-have-sex/
News Pictures Meet the young people who still masturbate but will NEVER have sex
You don’t have to pack away your bikini just because you’re the wrong side of 20. These body-beautiful stars reveal their secrets to staying in shape and prove you can smoulder in a two-piece, whatever your age. Read on and be bikini inspired!
TEENS
Hayden Panettiere
Size: 8
Age: 18
Height: 5ft 1in
Weight: 8st
To achieve her kick-ass figure, Hayden – who plays cheerleader Claire Bennet in Heroes – follows the ‘quartering’ rule. She eats only a quarter of the food on her plate, then waits 20 minutes before deciding whether she needs to eat again.
Hayden says: “I don’t have a model’s body, but I’m not one of those crazy girls who thinks that they’re fat. I’m OK with what I have.”
Nicollette says: “I don’t like diets – I see it, I eat it! I believe in eating healthily with lots of protein, vegetables and carbs to give you energy.”
kim cattrall
Size: 10-12
Age: 52
Height: 5ft 8in
Weight: 9st 4lb
SATC star Kim swears by gym sessions with Russian kettle bells (traditional cast-iron weights) and the South Beach Diet to give her the body she wants. To avoid overeating, Kim has a radical diet trick – squirting lemon juice on her leftovers – so she won’t carry on picking.
Kim says: “I am no super-thin Hollywood actress. I am built for men who like women to look like women.”
https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/unnamed-11.png?strip=all&w=630
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