DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband and I have a loving relationship – but I met up with an ex three weeks ago and had sex.
It was planned and thrilling at the time but now I feel so guilty.
This ex and I hadn’t seen each other for ten years but he liked a photo of me on Facebook and we became social media friends.
Friendly chat turned flirty and sexy. In the end we arranged to meet for a drink but we both knew what we were really meeting for.
He is 28 and his wife left him for another man, so he has his house to himself.
He suggested we have a drink there before going out — only we never went anywhere. We were all over each other within half an hour of me getting there. As soon as I got in the taxi to go home, I felt dirty and disgusting. I have been with my husband since I was 18. I am 27 now and he is 30. He loves me and still finds me attractive.
He does everything and works hard to provide for me and our daughters, who are five and four. He is the perfect man for me.
But I have always battled with anxiety and low self-esteem after a difficult childhood.
My dad was emotionally abusive towards my mum. He controlled everything she did, what she wore, where she went, and would call her horrible names.
She finally found the courage to leave him five years ago, when my sister reached 18 and left home.
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I should know better but I cheated on my partner with one of his friends two years ago. We never had sex but we did everything leading up to it, including sending each other dirty messages and pictures.
It lasted a year, then I came to my senses and stopped it.
I wish I’d had more sense than to meet up with my ex last month.
I don’t want to lose my partner, even though I don’t deserve him. Why do I continue to do things that I know would hurt him and split us up?
Popular Dear Deidre problems
DEIDRE SAYS: A parent like your father wrecks a child’s self-esteem and makes it difficult for them to believe that a loving, stable relationship is ever possible.
Part of you knows that your partner is a good man but the opposite part of you is sabotaging your relationship because you feel you do not deserve him and can’t believe that it will last.
You need to get help to deal with the damage your childhood has caused and to accept that you do deserve to be happy.
My e-leaflet Abused As A Child? will help and you can call the Samaritans to offload your guilty feelings (samaritans.org 116 123).
Then you can focus on your partner and start enjoying the stable, loving relationship you both deserve – your children, too.
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News Photo I’m risking my marriage for sexy flings with my ex-boyfriend and I feel guilty
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